Sunday, February 28, 2010

Searching Sunday

Im contantly amazed at why I (or maybe we... is it just me?) feel guilt.... Guilt and stress about things that are out of my control, guilt over things that others have done... Is it just the weather... because I am battling the winter blues? Do I need light therapy, do I need meds?

Yesterday was a great example. I had to send a mom an email regarding some information I had about her son. I have known this kid for about a year now... I truely believe he is clinically depressed... (no, I am not diagnosing~ am speaking of symptoms Ive seen during my nursing career). An email that he sent my daughter was truely heartbreaking and I literally sat here and cried. It just cried out about the pain that he is in... life is dark for him, he feels hated and alone and the only light in his life was my daughter and now they have broken up... he knows its for the best but he feels like he is in the dark alone..... he has been like this for a while... and battles it fairly successfully, most of the time.

He hinted at suicide, cutting, drinking, pills.... he's one of those clean cut, B student, athletic kids who appear squeaky clean....
So I emailed his mom.... I chickened out and could not do it over the phone.... but I know that if it were my child... I would want someone to let me know...
She picked him up from where he was (in a group thing~ my daughter was there).. and I dont know ~~ or need to know~~ what went on from there....

His mom sent 3 words... Thank you Karen.... I hope it helps... I really do... I love this kid... he is potential to the max.. His mom stresses him out, she pushes him to hard... (again, my opinion from what Ive heard)...

So Why do I feel guilty... he will be angry at my daughter, me... but if he gets some help... its worth it.

Why do we feel guilty over that which we cannot control...
One of the things that bother me.... is when my Mom passed away, we forgot to take shoes to the funeral home... stupid I know... she is prob happier without shoes anyway... but it bugs me... (sorry mom :(...)

I feel guily when I lose it and yell at my kids... over stupid stuff... and even tho I apologize... Im sure they will still remember it. I feel guilty about my sister... I feel like I should be the one to take care of her... even tho she is a grown adult...

Sorry for my ramblings.... just wanted to get these thoughts on paper... will also post on my soy candles that were made last night... lighten things up... Sunny days will soon be here and my mood will lighten... Come on  Spring!!!

Be Blessed


  1. I'm right there with ya. This too shall pass (soon, I hope!). You did the right thing. And for what it's worth, I think she is happier without shoes too! Hang in there. . .
    Love ya,

  2. I'm sure you did the right thing for that boy!! Sometimes parents and relatives are not able to recognise immediately the sign of a depression.
    Believe me: you did the right thing!!

  3. Karen, I hear ya girl! You know you absolutely did the right thing, no two ways about it. I think there's a lot of truth to the winter blues/seasonal affective disorder thing. See, when stuff in life happens, I think we deal with them even though they might not be pleasant, but we deal. When we're down, things just seem to bother us more than when we're feeling good and healthy and happy. We dwell and stew more - at least I do. Just think about the possible outcomes had you NOT said anything to the mom.

    On a lighter note, I might have to try my hand at making me some candles - sounds like a good project for my daughter and me to do together. We've made soaps, but haven't tried the candles yet.
    Hope we all perk up soon! Take care!

  4. greetings karen,

    i can't speak for certain why we feel guilt about things out of our control, but i can speak from experience about depression & SAD.

    as a health science R&D pioneer in the field of photobiology i can tell you that...

    For decades, consumers have been the target of a disinformation campaign from the media, conventional medicine and the pharmaceutical industry that created a fear of sunshine. "They have literally scared the daylight out of us!"

    Everyone knows the sun rises and sets every day and is the natural source of vitamin D — this cycle of 'essential light' also regulates brain chemistry and sets the basic rhythm of life .

    We are human photocells whose ultimate biological nutrient is sunlight. Nature's rhythmic 'light stimulation' & 'bio-nutrients' are critical for regulating brain chemistry, essential hormones and vital circadian rhythms that control appetite, energy, mood, sleep, libido and other essential mind-body functions.

    Mankind's radical shift indoors away from nature's source of essential, health regulating energy that our genes are programmed to respond to, leave us starving for 'life-supporting' solar energy. In less than a mere two hundred years, millions of people have unwittingly become "contemporary cave dwellers" living and working indoors. This dramatic reduction of natural light exposure, and its' domino-effect disturbance to vital 'light regulated' circadian rhythms, was coined "mal-illumination" by the late Dr. John Ott, the father of full-spectrum light.

    Mal-llumination silently contributes to many adverse health and wellness issues; some quite serious. Fact is — humans are photobiotic ‘solar beings’ — all of us are absolutely dependent on the absorption of radiant, solar energy. Every metabolic process, every enzyme reaction, muscular movements, the digestion of food and the burning of fat are all biological processes (electro-chemical) that are augmented by sunlight energy. A reduction of 'natural light energy' causes a slowdown in these processes that leads to decreased metabolism, reduced burning of fat, reduced vitality and compromised immunity.

    Current research has implicated 'sunlight and vitamin D deficiency' as a major factor in the pathology of at least 17 varieties of cancer as well as heart disease, stroke, hypertension, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, depression, chronic pain, osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, muscle weakness, muscle wasting, birth defects, periodontal disease, and more.

    Whether one is suffering or feeling generally “fine”— for most, more natural light (progressive moderation) during the day will reduce the risk of mal- illumination while elevating mood and energy for the healthy and sick; the young and old.

    PS: if you are interested we have a FREE e-book ~Women Suffer More Than Men~ MAL-ILLUMINATION...
    the silent epidemic

  5. You did the right thing letting the Mom know.
    I know how you feel with guilt, it shows you care!